I'm having one of those days. You know the ones. Nothing is going well.
So, in honor of this, I will be writing letters to all aspects of my life that are aggravating me right now. It's cheaper than a therapy session.
Dear Girlie Bird,
I love you. I want you to know that. But, I have a few questions for you. Why, oh why do you feel the need to wake up at 5:30 am? Why do you feel the need to bite other children in the nursery at church? And how is it, after waking up at 5:30 am, you feel that you only need an hour long nap today, ending right as your brother is going down for his? Just wondering. You are wearing me out.
Why is it that you cannot manage to get my dishes clean? This needs to improve, or you will be replaced.
Dear Love of My Life,
I love you. But you know what I don't love? Bottle feeding calves.
And piles of dirty man clothes on the floor.
Oh, and wet towels on the bed.
Your Tired Wife
Dear Baby Calf,
Why do you need to be bottle fed?
Your Bottle Feeder
Dear Boy Birdie,
I love you. You are such a great kid. But here's something to try. Try leaving your clothes on when we're home sometimes. And try picking up some of your toys on occasion, and the clothes that you shed immediately when we walk into the house. And do you really have to pee every time we go outside, or is it just fun to pee outside?
Honestly I don't have anything else to ask of you right now - you've been good lately.
Keep up the good work,
Stop running away and rolling in cow crap. If I have to give you a bath one more time, I may have to kill you.
You think I'm kidding, dog?
Just try me.
Please clean yourself.
Please, please just have your calves so we can stop checking on you all the stinking time. And if it's not too much trouble, have them normally, don't let them die, and please don't die yourselves.
Now, I feel better.
Thanks for listening.